A Very Merry Drinking Game
Updated: Apr 29
We all love to hate them. Those amazingly formulaic Hallmark Holiday movies that only get more cheesy every year. The story is always the same, and yet, I feel like I can never get enough of them. Hallmark and Lifetime love to lean in to the over-the-top holiday tropes, and every side character is hell-bent on getting the lead into the Christmas spirit. And the whole town is like...really into Christmas, to a point where it's slightly concerning. Like I feel like they need to calm down.
As melodramatic as these movies are, I could go on and on about everything that I love about them. These movies have gained such a cult following that huge networks like Netflix and Hulu got in on this holiday gold mine as well. Christmas Switch, anyone?
But perhaps the thing I love most is how much fun it is to watch with others. Considering that there is only about three different storylines that each movie follows, it's fun (and easy) to follow along and make an educated guess on how it will end.
But since these movies are also a bit of a drag, it's in your best interest to have a glass of wine in your hand while tuning in. And since said storylines get very old after the first few movies you watch, I want to make sure that you continue to enjoy your experience. Below is your definitive Holiday Hallmark Drinking Game. Grab your favorite glass of vino and a few of your close friends, and get comfy. We're gettin' in the drunk holiday spirit.
Take a sip:
When the movie stars Candice Cameron-Bure or Gretchen Wieners.
When the main character's occupation is a lawyer or executive of a "huge New York corporation."
If the lead is too busy for Christmas.
Anytime you see someone wearing plaid.
If the lead has a big assignment due on Christmas or Christmas Eve. And there is no wiggle room for that due date.
If the lead is engaged to a huge jerk who also lives in the big city.
Anytime "Christmas Magic" is mentioned.
Refill Your Drink:
When they have to travel to a small town or their remote hometown for an unclear or unnecessary reason.
If they are trapped in said town and the first train out isn't until the day after Christmas.
If the romantic interest went to the lead's high school and "never made it out of their small town."
If the lead initially hates the romantic interest because of something snarky he said, or perhaps he ran into her while she was holding a hot cup of coffee.
If the lead changes her mind about the romantic interest after they decorate a tree together, and she trips over an ornament, conveniently falling into his arms.
Finish the Bottle:
If Santa has been in disguise as the janitor or housekeeper the entire time.
If the main character has to decide between completing her big assignment or celebrating Christmas.
If the lead "realizes what's really important."
If the story centers around royalty or a an average woman that stumbles upon royalty.
If it snows for the first time on Christmas morning.
If the romantic interest owns a tree farm or Christmas themed bakery.
If the lead single-handedly saves the entire town through a Christmas themed children's play or parade.
Do you love Hallmark and Lifetime Christmas movies? Do you hate them? Does a drinking game make it a little more bearable? Let me know the most ridiculous Christmas movie plot that you've seen in the comments below.